One Arm Mommy

One Arm Mommy

Holding Isabella with my good arm when she was 3 yrs old 

Isabella Panomwan was born on January 7, 2011.  3 months into my pregnancy I had a massive stroke that almost killed Bella and myself.  The stroke made me weak on my entire left side and very sensitive.  I was sick everyday and it was horrible to say the least.  I had to take medications that were very risky for Bella.  As happy as I was with Isabella just being alive, healthy and beautiful.  I have to admit that in the beginning of Isabella being born I struggled with accepting that I only had one arm to take care of her.  I was a first time mom, so nervous, scared and worried I couldn't give her the love and care that she needed.  The hardest part was accepting that I would need help and anyone who knows me knows that I don't like help!!!!  But thankfully I have a wonderful husband and mother that did the things that I couldn't do.  All I could do was hold her in my lap with a Boppy.  I felt useless to be honest.  Why did God let me be a mother if I couldn't take care of her? I started having seizures daily after she was born.  I was so depressed and riddle with constant fear.  Every year I got stronger and  confident with being a  mother.  So if the only thing I could do was hold her in my lap with a Boppy then I would rock her to sleep for her nap and feed her her bottle.  That is when we really bonded and I felt so great that she was comfortable with me.  I started doing more and more with Bella.  My favorite was and still is picking out her outfits. Now, I make her lunches, pack her snacks.  It doesn't seem to be a big deal but to me it's the greatest job I have ever known to do things for my sweet angel. 

Bella and I walking

Taking a nap with Bella